He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
