his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
