Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
