i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
