i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
