Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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