I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
