if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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