he fucked my hip out of place.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
