Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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