I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
