im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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