he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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