There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
