I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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