How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
