my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
