how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
