im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
