Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
