He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
