the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
