im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I deserve this hangover.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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