Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
