MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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