if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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