I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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