Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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