Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
