so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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