i permit you to call me
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
