Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude i'm inner monologue high
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
