Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
