I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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