i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
