I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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