It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
