the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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