Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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