You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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