.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
