Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
