I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
