If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
