There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
