Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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