3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This house was built for laser tag.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
