Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wish there were birth control emojis
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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