He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
