In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
